ximilian | reach the residents

reach the residents

● ● ● REACH THE RESIDENTS

For any questions you want to ask Viveca or Degar and receive an IC response, please direct them here. Please indicate in the subject line who you are trying to contact.

// VIVECA

Hi, what can I help you with?

// DEGAR

Today was gonna be the day, but they'll never throw it back to you. And by now, you should've somehow realized what you're not to do.

▶ NAV

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

..You know enough.

[ He sets his jaw, picks at the fabric of his sheets. It sounds sincere, it was sincere when Lisa said it too. And, really, what else is someone supposed to say when his brother is rotting in hell for eternity? ]

Yeah, uh. Me too. Doesn't help it's all my fault.

[ Sure Sammy made his choice. But Dean's fuckup in Hell kicked it all off. It should be Dean down there, not Sam. ]

You've made up your mind about that. I won't try to change it.

[ despite wanting to. despite not agreeing with him. but — ]

But neither of you deserve it, Dean. Not him, and not you. [ hell, that is. but she hopes, if he undoes his regret, that he won't break and castiel will come and get him out and it will be fine. he won't be stuck there, and none of it happens. ]

I..dunno about that. I've done some stuff. Some not great stuff.

[ But does he deserve hell? Not really. Even if he keeps saying he does, that he's adamant he deserves to be there, the answer is no.

He takes a breath. His thoughts are running similarly to hers, that if he could just...hold out, maybe Cas would come anyway.

Dean isn't sure about that, though. Cas only pulls him out because he started a chain reaction. Because he was cannon fodder. Because the damn apocalypse was a setup, a big heavenly family squabble that cost him everything. ]

I'm a little scared, y'know. Of undoing my regret. Like, I'm gonna try. But Hell was...bad. Really bad.

Hasn't everyone here?

[ she knows the stories of every single crew member, and most of them have done something bad — and still, even those who've done far worse things than dean, she wouldn't send to hell. ]

Dean. Your regret is breaking the first seal, isn't it? When you undo it, you won't break. That's the deal. And Castiel will come, because he doesn't know you won't break. None of them do.

[ of course, she thinks it: if you're afraid, ask to never be the first seal, ask that you and sam are never the vessels, undo it all — but she won't push anyone to give up more than they already have, and that is what the orb requires, when changing the regret. ]

...Touché.

[ Can't argue with that. He knows, logically, other people here have done some..pretty bad things. Some have told Dean to his face, others have alluded to it. It is what it is, there's a reason people are here. ]

You really think that? That he'll come anyway? He could just -- throw me back in, once they figure it out.

[ Hope is a dangerous, fickle thing. If Dean were a smart man, he'd have asked that, that he and Sam weren't destined to be the vessels of friggin archangels, that their lives were never so intertwined in all that crap, that they could just have lived normal lives.

Without Dean bearing the brunt of their father's anger and anguish, without him becoming a child soldier, learning to shoot at six, raising his little brother in shitty motels and squatting in houses.

He licks his lips, staring at one of his Zeppelin posters, Cas' name ringing in his head, those last words in the Impala rattling around in his brain like Hell's chains.

You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise, no Hell. Just more of the same. What would you rather have, peace? Or freedom? ]

You really know everything, huh.

I know enough, [ she says wryly, quietly. not everything, no — but so much that many think it to be the same thing. ]

Dean. You convinced Castiel once, didn't you? You showed him why humanity is worth it. You'll do it again. It's who you are.

[ it's in his nature. and in any case — ]

In the end, Castiel believed in you. Sam has always believed in you. Maybe... it's time you start believing in yourself.

[ He's unconvinced, but having someone say these things to him twists him up in ways he isn't sure how to define. People don't...encourage him. They don't tell him he's good, they don't tell him he's needed. He's never felt particularly worthy of genuine affection because he hasn't had any since he was four. ]

I'm not sure I know how to do that.